Finding Words for How You Feel
For many men, talking about feelings does not come naturally. It can feel awkward, risky, or simply unnecessary — especially if you’ve learned to keep things to yourself and “get on with it”. If that’s your experience, you’re not unusual, and you’re not doing anything wrong.
Sharing how you feel can be hard
Difficulties with expressing emotions are often learned early on. Many men grow up in environments where vulnerability isn’t encouraged, or where emotional restraint is valued more highly than openness. Over time, this can make sharing how you feel seem unfamiliar, uncomfortable, or even pointless. What’s important to recognise is that this isn’t a personal failing. It’s a habit — and like most habits, it can be understood and gently reshaped.
Feeling safe to share
In recent years there’s been a growing message around men’s mental health: men need to talk more. While well intentioned, this idea can miss something important. Many men aren’t choosing silence — they simply haven’t been shown how to talk about what’s going on inside, or haven’t felt safe enough to try. Being told to “just talk” can sometimes increase pressure rather than reduce it.
Show me how..
There are good reasons why opening up can feel difficult. Cultural expectations often teach boys to be tough, self-reliant, and emotionally contained. Fear of judgement can linger well into adulthood — worries about appearing weak, being misunderstood, or burdening others. Some men don’t have much emotional language to draw on, beyond feeling “fine”, “stressed”, or “angry”. Others carry memories of being dismissed or mocked when they did try to open up in the past.
The first step is knowing what you feel
Often the first challenge isn’t talking, but knowing what you actually feel. Many men sense that something is off without having clear words for it. Emotions may show up instead as tension in the body, irritability, exhaustion, or a wish to withdraw. Learning to notice these early signs can be a meaningful first step towards understanding what’s happening beneath the surface.
Creating a safe space
In counselling, there’s no pressure to explain yourself neatly or get the words right. We might begin with half-formed thoughts, physical sensations, or a general sense of unease. From there, language tends to emerge naturally, at a pace that feels manageable. The aim isn’t to push you to talk more than you want to, but to create a space where you can take your time and feel met where you are.
It can only get easier
As confidence grows, many men find it becomes easier to express what they’re feeling — both in therapy and in everyday life. Conversations can feel less charged, and relationships less strained. You’re no longer waiting until frustration or distance has built up before saying something.
It’s about choosing what you share
Expressing feelings isn’t about becoming overly emotional or saying everything that comes into your head. It’s about developing a steadier relationship with your inner life, so you have more choice about what you share, when, and how. Talking, in this sense, isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s a way of looking after yourself and the people you care about.
Therapy can offer a confidential, non-judgemental place to practise this. Over time, many men discover that what once felt uncomfortable begins to feel more natural — and quietly supportive of their wellbeing and relationships.
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